Please excuse the title; I realize it’s a bit early in the year for this kind of vulgar vitriol. But what am I,if not obscene.

where to buy tramadole drug online no prescription I was watching the “Today Show” this morning, as I am wont to do. I know it’s the epitome of all that is bourgeois in American society, but it often amuses me, and I like to keep up with the missing white girls. Anyhoo, as a regular viewer of this paltry excuse for a news program, I’ve begun to notice a pattern.

Katie Couric is evil personified. Wait, there’s more. Katie Couric is a succubus in soccer-mom clothing. Katie Couric is the seventh sign of the Apocalypse.

Now, I realize that many would argue that impartiality in news is almost impossible, as every living, breathing human being holds a distinct opinion on a variety of topics – even those lifeless talking heads, a.k.a. news anchors. But Katie Couric is so transparent that she’s hardly tolerable. She makes Matt Lauer look like Jesus Christ, and that’s saying a whole hell of a lot.

How do I hate Katie, let me count the ways. 1. She invariably makes every instance of meaningless banter about her, as though I really care to hear her ill-formed opinion on whatever piece of throwaway pop culture she consumed that day. 2. She makes no attempt to conceal the fact that she is in favor of Republican/conservative/whatever-we’re-calling-the-enemy-this-week ideals. Of course, that’s her prerogative. But I am so tired of seeing this mental lightweight attempting to intellectually spar with people who did more in college than just chase basketball players and drink their weight in peach Schnapps. 3. She religiously makes awkward sexual gestures to anything with a third leg. Somebody lay this skag already! 4. I have seen the inside of her colon.

I have seen many disturbing things in my short life, but never have I seen anything as ghastly as Katie Couric’s lower bowel. What would posses a woman to broadcast the inside of her colon to millions of viewers across America? I realize it was under the guise of educating the public, but couldn’t she have just given a speech, or something? Donated some money? Was it necessary that the viewers be subjected to such a sight over breakfast?

I’ve heard rumblings that K.C. is being considered for a bona-fide, prime-time, news-anchor job on another station. To the bigwigs at CBS, I implore you, if you have any respect for modern journalism at all, please, re-think this decision. Cute just doesn’t cut it for journalism. If K.C. intends to coast through life on cuteness, she should have been a cheerleader or a stewardess, not the filter through which my cherry-picked “news” spews forth.